September 11, 2009 - Enter the Mohawk

Hm? Oh. Right.

There are very few things in the world powerful enough to render me speechless. When presented with such a talisman, all cogitative functions cease, and I become a blathering pile of linguistic mush. I fumble. I stutter. I sound like a damned idiot, which is not something I'm fond of, generally.

One of these such things is a nice mohawk, especially (but not limited to) a nice mohawk on, say, a handsom fellow who just so happens to have a taste in coffee that so mirrors my own personality on some deep and metaphorical level. I don't know what it is.

I think it might have been his smile. Or maybe the way he ordered his coffee? Either way ... me-yow!

Er ...ah... what was I saying again...? Oh. Right. Mohawk good. Coffee good. Public opinion bad.

September 5, 2009 - El Douche

Ah, yes. The illiterate customer. At least that's always my assumption when someone comes in and sort of half describes the drink they want, often using such eloquent and definitive words as "thing" and "stuff", even though there's A BIG MENU ON THE WALL RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. Perhaps for some, fumbling about with their limited vocabulary for 20 seconds is more efficient than, say, taking 10 seconds to read the menu board and not sound like a complete idiot, but I tend to disagree. Maybe that's what makes me ... "special".

Of course, the only thing more frustrating than a customer who orders complete nonsense (and is then, of course, shocked when you give them the "wrong" beverage) is the order taker who doesn't know what questions to ask. Or, perhaps, said order taker thinks they can read the customer's mind? In some circles, this may be true, but unfortunately I was not granted a staff of psychics and telepaths...

While I'm on the subject of not being able to read minds ... I don't think I will ever understand what certain girls see in the steriotypical douche. The too-tight polo shirt with the half-popped collar, the obviously purposely "messed up" hair, the flip-flops worn all year round, not to mention the predisposition to treating other people like lesser beings... In most cases, one can just look at these individuals and see that the lights upstairs are rather ... dim.

I suppose opposites don't always attract...

***IMPORTANT NOTICE!***

Sorry for the late release this week! My poor, haggard computer was visciously attacked by some particularly nasty malware, which lead to a very time consuming backup and reinstall process that I'd rather not think about ever again...

Also, as of next week, disEnchanted will no longer be released on Wednesday but FRIDAY! After this week's computer trouble, I realized that a Friday release would be better suited to my schedule and give me some time to work ahead and get rolling on some other projects, whose results I will almost definitely share with you via my other blog.

Thanks for your patience, and enjoy!

August 26, 2009 - The Good, the Bad, and the Slow

New hires are something I always have a hard time with. Especially in this place. Seriously, I don't know who does the hiring here at the illustrious Shangri-Latte, but they can't be any more intelligent than a mad pterodactyl...

Don't get me wrong. They're nice kids, even if they're a little slow on the draw. However, having to ask what the difference between soy milk and regular milk is ... well, let's just say they won't be winning any barista showdowns anytime soon. And that definitely doesn't make my job any easier.

Damn it, man! I'm a barista, not a teacher!

August 12, 2009 - Special #1

Misplacing something is always frustrating, especially when you know you just had the thing you're looking for. You put them down, and the next second ... *poof!* ... gone.

I still can't find the scissors. I bet those fairies or gnomes or whatever took 'em...

Yeah.



**NOTICE**
disEnchanted will be taking the week off next week. Have no fear, though ... we'll be back up and training new employees on the 26th! Fun times.

Also, there might be some construction going on between now and then, so don't be surprised if you come to show your friends around and things look a little ... funky. I'm definitely not an HTML expert, so your patience will be greatly appreciated! Cheers!

August 5, 2009 - Noob Smarts

Yep, it's about time we got some more warm bodies around here. I was starting to wonder if I would ever get a day off!

Unfortunately, though, it seems like "warm bodies" are all they are. If brewing coffee at MacBurger is the best they can do in the experience category... Well, this crew is going to take some work. But have no fear! I'll have these chumps forged into some of the finest barista steel the world has seen in no time.

At least I hope so. Provided the material isn't to ... dense.

July 29, 2009 - An Easy Mark

Sometimes, you just need to interview people before you give them an application to fill out. I mean, if they're obviously not even remotely qualified, why waste their time? And while I'm at it ... I might as well weed through them for my own personal designs, right? What fun is working with people if you can't have a little fun with them, right? Right?

Okay, so I might still be a bit pissed about Kalvin's little surprise, but that's not going to change the fact that there are fucking GNOMES and shit living in our refrigerator. And with some sort of revenge being out of my reach for the moment, I think the only way I'll feel better is to ... pass along the surprise.

To some unsuspecting, innocent victim of course...





**HEEEY KIDS!**
This week, in celebration of our 8th comic (or really, just because), I've posted a special sneak peek ultra awesome behind the scenes look at how I do what it is I do! In other words...

Wanna see how disEnchanted is made every week? Check it out at my new and improved art blog, Hours of Boredom, Seconds of Terror: Projects, Art, and Ideas to Punctuate the Darkness!

Other projects will be coming soon, such as a detailed account of the creation of my very own Fallout 3 Vault 101 costume! It should be pretty exciting, so stay tuned!

July 22, 2009 - Maybe THIS...

Long night, indeed.

Sometimes I hit that "zone" ... the one where I'm so unbelievably tired and mentally exhausted that, no matter how idiotic or annoying, the customers just don't phase me. I'm able to magically shrug off the inattentive woman on the cell phone, the businessman who wants a little room for cream in his black coffee, and the mumbling lady that just has to have a sugar-free vanilla triple breve ... decaf, extra hot with no foam, or she'll just die.

The only thing that can really get to me at this point is a smart ass. When I'm too tired to crack a few sarcastic remarks myself, no one else should be able to either.

Especially not when I have a sharp object within reach...







No sharp objects here, I promise...
The Barista's deviantArt page
The Artist's deviantArt page

July 15, 2009 - Into the Night

Maybe being the closer isn't so bad after all. I mean, I don't ACTUALLY have to do anything? And I still get paid for hanging around? Well ... how about that. Those gnomes, though. What in the hell am I gonna tell people? "Hey, I was at work last night, and these little fairy-things flew out of the 'fridge and did all my work for me! It was great!"

Yeah. Don't think so.

Maybe I'll just ... ya know ... keep this little incident on the down-low. Just in case I actually AM crazy. Or crazier than I originally thought. That sounds like a plan...







For those in need of more artistic sustenance:
The Barista's deviantArt page
The Artist's deviantArt page

July 8, 2009 - What May Come

Fairies. There are fairies in the refrigerator after close.

Or gnomes. Or whatever.

I'd like to think that maybe someone could have, you know, mentioned this to me at some point before leaving me here with them all night. Or maybe this is what happens when you finally snap. I mean, I figured it would happen eventually but ... freezer fairies?

Gnomes. Right, sorry.







Hopelessly lost with nowhere to go? Try this:
The Barista's deviantArt page
The Artist's deviantArt page

July 1, 2009 - After Dark

Closing time. Generally my favorite time. It's the point in the day when I take off the apron and become a normal human being as apposed to a puppet on a stage or ... some other sick form of amusement.

Not this time, though. Oh no. This time, I'm stuck. The CLOSER, instead of the lucky bastard that gets to go home when all of the customers are forced through the doors into the dark, liberating night. Normally I wouldn't mind a little extra work. Working alone is preferable usually, but I've always had a feeling that there was something a little ... weird ... about this place.

Unfortunately, "weird" does not even begin to cover it...






Two little places to explore in the infinite world of cyberspace...
The Barista's deviantArt page
The Artist's deviantArt page

June 24, 2009 - The Family

Week three. The "new" is starting to wear off finally, and we're all starting to get to know each other a bit better. Not that that's necessarily a ... better thing, by any means...

There's an old saying: You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. I'm not entirely sure how that's supposed to be positive or reassuring ... but the same goes for co-workers. Take Kalvin for example.

There's nothing wrong with being a nerd. For me to say so would probably be considered hypocritical in most circles. But such blind devotion to a singular piece of technology pushes this kid's nerd-dom to a whole new level ... a level so horrifying, so DANGEROUS it makes me fear for my own sanity, not to mention what very little is left of the sanity of the ENTIRE WORLD. We call him...

The Fanboy. (...I'm sure there should be a crash of thunder there somewhere...)






Eyes all hyped up with nowhere to go?
The Barista's deviantArt page
The Artist's deviantArt page

June 17, 2009 - The Skinny

Here we are. Week two. It seems like things are falling into place. People are settling into daily routines and such. Some of the initial customers have even become "regulars" already. Like this lady.

Ordering coffee isn't rocket science. The jargon is a bit confusing at first, but it certainly isn't a foreign language. For some people, though, ordering a beverage to their liking becomes something akin to a toddler building a tower of blocks. The order gets taller and more complex until it just sort of ... folds in on itself and collapses. Some learn. Others ... well ... it's certainly not MY place to tell them they're idiots. Not part of the job description.


Oh, that's me by the way. Just to give you a face to stick with the voice, in case you were curious. My name? Eh, it's not important. Just another bee in the hive, ya know.

Really, I'm just here for the free coffee. It *certainly* isn't the paycheck I stick around for...







Need more stuff to look at? Go here:
The Barista's deviantArt page
The Artist's deviantArt page

June 10, 2009 - The Beginning

Ah, yes, the beginning. The grand opening. The first day on the job for the staff, and the first real test of everyone's mettle. Little did I know, it would also be the beginning of the end of my sanity...

There's just something not quite right about this place. Screaming children and cranky, caffeine-starved customers aside, of course (that is to be expected, much to my chagrin). I just get this feeling, sometimes. Like I'm being watched. Like I can almost hear something strange ... or did I imagine it?

Whatever. It's a job. Besides, what's the worst that could happen?




For a good time, also visit:
The Barista's deviantArt page
The Artist's deviantArt page